Sat, Nov 17, 2001
copyright Standard-Examiner
It's been a bad year for my belief systems.
First, I find out professional wrestling is faked. Next, I learn it's splitsville for Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman. And now, it turns out psychics can't really predict the future, after all.
Last weekend, I dropped by the Psychic Fair at the Ogden Marriott Hotel, looking for the answers to a few of life's burning questions. OK, mostly I was looking for the answer to the one question that has plagued man since the beginning of the season: Who's going to win today's BYU-Utah football game?
This may not seem like an important question to you. But the way I figure, if psychics can't reliably predict the outcome of something as transient and insignificant as a three-hour sporting event, what makes you think I'm going to trust them for advice on the big stuff -- like how to proceed with my career or love life over the next couple of decades?
As it turns out, good psychics simply don't work like that. They don't predict specific events as much as they give you a sketchy road map for approaching your life, sort of like a school guidance counselor. (Which, incidentally, makes them nearly as useful.)
The first thing you'll notice about most psychics is it's like conversing with a 'Jeopardy' contestant. Everything is in the form of a question.
For example, about a decade ago, as part of a story I was doing, I visited a few psychics. One gave me a 'reading' at her kitchen table.
'You have a brother, don't you?' she began, lighting a cigarette and blowing the smoke above our heads.
Well, no. I have three sisters, but no brothers.
A lesser psychic would have been devastated by this early misstep. But this one was smooth. Nodding her head, she countered: 'Yes, of course. I sensed the part about your three sisters. But I'm also seeing a male who's very close to you, somebody who's like a brother to you, maybe a close friend or a male cousin or other relative.'
Incredible. How could she possibly know that I was one of only a few billion people on the planet who has a sibling, friend, cousin or other family member of the male persuasion?
From there on out, it was pretty much a game of Twenty Questions, with the psychic making statement-queries, which I would clarify, and she would then confirm that, indeed, my clarifications were correct. Like this . . .
PSYCHIC: You have two children, don't you?
ME: Actually, I have three.
PSYCHIC (nodding her head knowingly): Yes, of course. But one of them is a fairly recent addition to the family, right?
ME: Well, she's 3 years old. Does that count? (Apparently, young children are some sort of blind spot for psychics. If the kid can still eat free at Denny's, she doesn't show up on the old psychic radar screen.)
PSYCHIC: OK, yes, that's correct. And, if I'm not mistaken, your wife has blond hair.
ME: She's a redhead.
PSYCHIC: Yes, yes, I sense that. But I'm seeing some blond highlights. Are any of your three sisters blond? That may be what I'm picking up.
ME (rolling my eyes knowingly): Have you suffered a recent blow to the head?
My 'reading' finally started getting good when she sensed there was another woman in my life -- not my wife -- whom I cared for deeply. But in the end, after another round of questioning, the psychic determined that this other woman was probably a relative and possibly my mother. Or maybe even a sister.
I've got three of those, you know. The psychic even told me so.
Angry psychics can reach Mark Saal at . . . wait a minute, this editor's note is completely unnecessary, isn't it?
Mr Saals meeting with the Psychic sounded like my first experience with
a Hypnotist. I filled out a form stating what My goal was. He read it,
shook his head and explained that this first session would be $35.00.
and that it would take 3 more sessions at $35.00 each. Then while he had
me "under" he said "And you will want to come to these next three
sessions" It was hysterical . I didn't...by the way.
Kathy Rageur